Nancy Kerrigan Why: City Mouse and Country Mouse

Let me be clear, I am a Southerner. Born and raised in Jacksonville, Fl. There is a pitcher of sweet tea in my fridge in Brooklyn at all times. However, Florida is not the same kind of Southern as North Carolina and Jacksonville is a fairly urban city. This was the first time in my life that I had been in the middle of nowhere deep south. I was reminded of 2 things immediately...

First, Greensboro NC where people have charming Southern accents and bake something called Hummingbird Cake. I was there for my cousin's wedding. Highlights of the trip; The wedding was a blast, I drank too much wine (homemade by the groom's father), drunkenly danced with 2 groomsmen (cuz I got it like that), saw adorable wild bunnies, golden finches and blue birds.

However, I was quickly reminded that I'm scared of the outdoors. Cornfields are terrifying. Why? Because of what I've seen in the movies. DUH! Although I think I'm getting my scary movie devil children confused the pic below is what I pictured coming out of the cornfield. Now combine that irrational fear with the deer that were running out in front of the car. Ok now picture those children riding deerback out of a cornfield. I'll take NYC rats over that shit anyday.

Oh and don't even get me started on the road trip with the fam from NC to FL. My Dad micromanaged my driving from the back seat. For 3 hours. I only offered to drive cuz he looked like he was falling asleep at the wheel. Mistake...

Before we all hated each other we stopped in Bluffton, South Carolina to see my cousin's new place. She's such a Suzie Homemaker! Her name is actually Suzie... Anyway, she had perfect little heartshaped banana bread, sweet tea (it runs through my veins), and arts and crafts. And her kids are actually cute and I usually hate kids. Whenever I see a kid I'm disappointed that it's not a puppy.

I was in Jax until 7/5. I was drunk a lot... Like a lot. Family time will do that to you. It was sexcellent seeing my biffle (Sarah) and my bestie (Sara). Check out this old ass pic Sarah had on her fridge. Like a fine wine.

Anyway, we had lot's of chill time...if you know what I mean... No pics obvs.

I spent July 4th with Sarah and her boo, Carl.

Here was the plan; swim in pool all afternoon, cookout, go to beach and watch fireworks.

Here's what ended up happening; swam in pool, drank some booze, swam while drinking, took some shots, started seeing double...

The next thing I know I'm waking up in a panic about missing my 7:30 am flight. It's only 10pm. I had been passed out for 2 hours and had completely missed the fireworks. Sarah was just as bad. You would think we had never had booze before! I overheard Carl say to someone on the phone that he was "babysitting two 25 year olds." Nothing says Independence like getting daytime drunk in a backyard in Florida while eating patriotic desserts. Here's me looking patriotic as shit.

With Sara the times were not chill. The times were crazy go nuts.

I can never show my face in Atlantic Beach again (especially not at Pete's Bar.)

DRUNK GIRLS!!!!

Look how filthy this is if I crop it. Ewww! Nevermind stop looking. Perv.

P.S. Sara is the proud mother of 4 obese cats...

Despite all of the sexy men in my hometown I managed to keep it in my pants.

My Dad made the Southern delicacy "Beer Butt Chicken". It's exactly how it sounds. Beer can in stand is stuck up chicken cavity. I was raised on this...