Elegance is learned, my friends

Quoted from the ever inspiring song from Countess Luanne

Maui, Hawaii

I recently came back from Maui and had such a wonderful time. This place is the polar opposite of New York City. It is quite nice being in touch with nature. I just started my new job and it was a great transition from quitting my old job, vacationing, and starting something new. I am also looking forward to moving in with my friend, but not best, Gabi! Lots and lots of new happeninings!

Let's recap on what happened in Maui and Maui alone because I don't mean to brag, but I have an awesome life full of great events! HEHEHEHHEH

 First day on the Island of Maui in Wailea. Yes, I am in a CLEAVland bikini top.

Big beach watching skim boarders do it big! I suppose he was a professional since there were dudes with video cameras and DSLRs.

Molokini Bay Snorkeling: I have got to say that there is a lot more coral reef than fishes. We did get to see a turtle that looked 200 years old though!

 One of the many many waterfalls! I think this was the Three Bears Waterfall. Papa bear, Mama bear, and baby bear.

 Red sand beach. Noel, my friend that I visited in Maui, told me that many locals believe this place is sacred and will gather to come here so that the Aliens may pick them up. He says that it is the red sand that resembles Mars that leads the hippies to believe this.

 Fireworks for the Fourth in Lahaina. If you look closely, there are some surfers in the water watching the Independence day spectacle.

 Hidden coastline we found. We had to drive in a dirt road wayyyy inside a local village to finally hit this spot. Very nice!

Black Sand Beach: I took a lava rock by accident. Supposedly, it is a curse to take the rock out of the island. According to legend, Goddess Pele treats her rocks as her children. She gets furious when they leave the island and in turn curses the individuals who took them. Good thing I found this out before I took this home!

 Powered Hand Gliding. Our instructor was Armin. He looked a lot like Anthony Bourdain. He was cool and took us up above the clouds to view the island of Maui and waterfalls. We earned 1/2 credit pilot's license in doing so because we were taught the dynamics of aviation and were able to steer the plane on our own.

 Inside a lava cave. Don't I look fierce?!

Seven Sacred Pools: all the locals were here for independence day barbequeing and jumping from cliffs into the water.

There are absolutely more pictures to see. I have to admit I am lazy and just bought a Macbook Pro and do not know where the rest of my photos went! Another thing that no one reads this blog, so until someone demands more awesome posts of Maui from me then I shall take my time and blog more!

Best. Horoscope. Ever.

The freakin' weekend

Saturday night we went to Berry Park in Williamsburg for a Bday party where Penn Badgley from Gossip Girl was in attendance. I am too old for that show (but I watch it anyway). After that we went to Union Pool, Bushwick Country Club, The Woods, and Miss Favella. Oh and that other girl is our 3rd partner in crime, Gabi. Get used to to her cuz she's around a lot.

Try not to get too turned on.

Sunday- Picnic brunch is McCarren Park. Bike riding to Bedford boutiques. True Blood at Brian's.

Monday night- So fucking hot in the city! No AC in my dining room so we ate leftover Indian food (thanks Brian) in our bathing suits/skivvies. Again, try not to get too turned on.

Here's to you...

Jesus loves you more than you will know? Doubtful.

Slackers

It's true. Trish and I have slacked hardcore on our blog that no one reads... Here are some things that happened since the last post.

My Mom (Cookie) and cousin (Jamie) came to visit.

They got their hair did at Wonderland.

Jamie and I went out with my friends (Hachi, Bushwick Country Club, and of course Union Pool). I took a bunch of pics of her tattoos.

Weird in a good way Memorial Day party on Trish's rooftop. This is the only pic I have from that, but it's really all the info needed.

A crazy lady hurled this at me as I was exiting the subway. It missed but the lady in front of me got kicked in the face. True story.

My biffle, Sarah and her boo, Carl came to visit.

We ate on Curry Row

Carl named my patio cat Granola.

Drunk Brunch at Roberta's in Brooklyn then drunk relaxing in Trish's neighbor's hammock then some good shit on my patio. Best Sunday Funday ever.

Trish and I went to the Alexander Mcqueen exhibition at The Met, Savage Beauty. It was beautiful and spooky. I felt like I was in a haunted house. Of course we looked hella cute.

All of our gay/lesbian homies can get married in NYC now!!!!!

City Mouse and Country Mouse

Let me be clear, I am a Southerner. Born and raised in Jacksonville, Fl. There is a pitcher of sweet tea in my fridge in Brooklyn at all times. However, Florida is not the same kind of Southern as North Carolina and Jacksonville is a fairly urban city. This was the first time in my life that I had been in the middle of nowhere deep south. I was reminded of 2 things immediately...

First, Greensboro NC where people have charming Southern accents and bake something called Hummingbird Cake. I was there for my cousin's wedding. Highlights of the trip; The wedding was a blast, I drank too much wine (homemade by the groom's father), drunkenly danced with 2 groomsmen (cuz I got it like that), saw adorable wild bunnies, golden finches and blue birds.

However, I was quickly reminded that I'm scared of the outdoors. Cornfields are terrifying. Why? Because of what I've seen in the movies. DUH! Although I think I'm getting my scary movie devil children confused the pic below is what I pictured coming out of the cornfield. Now combine that irrational fear with the deer that were running out in front of the car. Ok now picture those children riding deerback out of a cornfield. I'll take NYC rats over that shit anyday.

Oh and don't even get me started on the road trip with the fam from NC to FL. My Dad micromanaged my driving from the back seat. For 3 hours. I only offered to drive cuz he looked like he was falling asleep at the wheel. Mistake...

Before we all hated each other we stopped in Bluffton, South Carolina to see my cousin's new place. She's such a Suzie Homemaker! Her name is actually Suzie... Anyway, she had perfect little heartshaped banana bread, sweet tea (it runs through my veins), and arts and crafts. And her kids are actually cute and I usually hate kids. Whenever I see a kid I'm disappointed that it's not a puppy.

I was in Jax until 7/5. I was drunk a lot... Like a lot. Family time will do that to you. It was sexcellent seeing my biffle (Sarah) and my bestie (Sara). Check out this old ass pic Sarah had on her fridge. Like a fine wine.

Anyway, we had lot's of chill time...if you know what I mean... No pics obvs.

I spent July 4th with Sarah and her boo, Carl.

Here was the plan; swim in pool all afternoon, cookout, go to beach and watch fireworks.

Here's what ended up happening; swam in pool, drank some booze, swam while drinking, took some shots, started seeing double...

The next thing I know I'm waking up in a panic about missing my 7:30 am flight. It's only 10pm. I had been passed out for 2 hours and had completely missed the fireworks. Sarah was just as bad. You would think we had never had booze before! I overheard Carl say to someone on the phone that he was "babysitting two 25 year olds." Nothing says Independence like getting daytime drunk in a backyard in Florida while eating patriotic desserts. Here's me looking patriotic as shit.

With Sara the times were not chill. The times were crazy go nuts.

I can never show my face in Atlantic Beach again (especially not at Pete's Bar.)

DRUNK GIRLS!!!!

Look how filthy this is if I crop it. Ewww! Nevermind stop looking. Perv.

P.S. Sara is the proud mother of 4 obese cats...

Despite all of the sexy men in my hometown I managed to keep it in my pants.

My Dad made the Southern delicacy "Beer Butt Chicken". It's exactly how it sounds. Beer can in stand is stuck up chicken cavity. I was raised on this...

At some point my bro wore cowboy boots with swim trunks.

My Mom can be kind of cute when she's not being completely annoying and nosy.

Went to the farmer's market with the fam. Nice melons, Dad! Wait...

Finally I got home on July 5th to find that my secret lover had left flowers in my bedroom. I can't even deal with how adorable that is!